----- Do computer NERDS have SEX? -----
----- Coincidence and Accelerator -----
------------ from Imagina -------------
Well, I will write down the 5 most
popular sexual activities of a computer
1. Masturbating after a Nice vector
rout. The NERD would then express his\
hers orgasm like this....
"OH YOU NAUGHTY VECTOR ROUTINE, YOU ARE
A VERY NAUGHTY VECTOR ROUTINE. I LOVE
YOU YOU PERVERT 1VBL CONVEX CUBE."
2. Handscanning his\hers own dick\pussy
until he\her gets an orgasm. The NERD
would then say....
" YOU SEXY LITTLE DAATA SCAN.. I LIKE
YOUR LITTLE WARM LIGHT AND YOUR SEXY
CABLE. GIVE ME YOUR BEST SHOT YOU
LITTLE PIECE OF HIGH TECHNOLOGY"
3. Sitting on the joystick and play
summer games. ( This one is mostly for
the girls!!! If you are a boy and would
like to do this, you are really sick.
But if there are any girls which wants
to do this, please contact me and I
will arrive within the hour. WITH A
REALLY NICE QUICKJOY TOPSTAR Large and
4. Have sexual intercourse with a girl
while you play VROOM. The NERD would
then express himself like this....
"YEAH, I DID IT.. ANOTHER GREAT LAP !!!
OH BABY, COULD YOU MOVE YOUR LEG, I
JUST CRASHED IN ONE OF THE OBSTACLES.
THATS MY GIRL, TELL ME WHEN YOU'RE
FINISHED RIDING MY DICK PLEASE."
5. Using the ST\STe as a condom.
You must insert your dick in the disc-
drive and then you are ready. This one
should not be tried on virgins. This
one should mostly be used on large
girls. The girl would then say....
"OH, I LOVE YOUR BIG LUMPY DICK.
GIVE ME MORE.... PLEASE !!!!
ALLRIGHT THEN, LET ME FETCH MY
Well, if you think this article was
pervers, you haven't seen anything yet!
THE 5 WORST WAYS OF PICKING UP
( But of course these are the most
popular ones amongst computer NERDS )
1. Hello, my name is Bjarne but my
real name is DR.MEGAMIGHTY MR. COOL-
2. Hello, my name is Bottolf and I have
playrout which manages 50khz.
3. Hello, my name is Attle and I like
girls nearly as much as I like
4. Hey, would you like to play SEXGAMES
with me, coz I would really like whip
you with my monitor cable, then i would
like to stick the ultimate ripper
cartridge up your arse.
5. Do you want to play VACUUM-CLEANER
with me, you suck and i will say:
THE FOUR MOST POPULAR GAMES WITH GIRLS
1. The "RODEO GAME".
First you tell the girl you would like
to do it DOGGY style. She bends over
and at the same moment you push it in,
you say the following sentence loudly:
" OH, I FORGOT TO TELL YOU, I HAVE
AIDS!" She will then try to escape your
firm grip around her hips and with your
dick inside. You then start your
wristwatch and take the time from the
word "AIDS" until she manages to escape
you. But remember, have a firm grip and
follow her until you loose the grip.
You could do this with several
participants, and then it would be like
a real rodeo!!!!
2. The "POWER LIFT".
This one is for the girls. This time
the girl should tell him to lie down
so she can ride his dick. At the same
moment as she sits down, she says:
" OH, I FORGOT TO TELL YOU, I HAVE
AIDS! " The guy will then most probably
try to throw her off. The whole point
with the game is to stay on top of
business. Note... DO NOT CHOOSE BOYS
WHICH USE ANABOLIC STEROIDS, BECAUSE
YOU WILL END UP WITH YOUR HEAD IN THE
CEILING!!! (VERY IMPORTANT!)
3. The "JUMP"
Here the boy should lay himself flat on
the back in the street in front of the
building. He should then erect his
penis. (This will be hard with probably
a hundred people staring and cars
The girl should then go up to the fifth
floor and jump down trying to hit his
penis. If she misses you are most
probably without a girlfriend. If she
hits you will most probably SHIT GUTS
for a week.
4. The "JUMP II"
Here the couple must travel to the
World trade center in New York.
There you should take the elevator
up to the 145th floor. There you should
undress. Then start fucking in the
standing position. While you are
fucking jump out of the window
together. You will now experience
mid-air fucking. The whole point with
the game is to reach climax before you
hit the ground. This will most probably
be your EXTREMELY last fuck.
Ok, this was it we'll see you in
Coincidence and Accelerator
KUKK OG FITTE!!
------------ What is life ? -----------
Supplied by Coincidence & Accelerator
(An autistic poem)
We go even a time man, woman cat.
How no and yes? So man no kaudervolsk
me so sexy. Alfa put go see and drool
the melancholy often color to bee,
or not be. Loathsome old phelp.
She loved the heil we were chicken
for the krypal. Because she was phelp
with him in so often a dveil sossage
maker. I loved disgusting that often
many i saw to run tractor and the
woman championships in 5 past 4 am.
why should i be one when i can't be
two? And why should we every so nice
not often a day, like the phelp so once
run no him self loved did to each
other in a month. i like fuck oral no
self phelp in oral sexologic kauderhelp
not a very so good nice to the
contribution of mankind. She said face
shitting was run another dacapo kauder-
himself into another zodiac not so often
be himself three times a week. The
boogie lust and weil ich can in itself
make a fly puke on a day like this.
The green not so eager against a mail-
cat and the beach of a fagget in the
sun of another solar-system was often
I went for a measure need for going
against sometimes, did no and yes to
the thing of who say? Every no and
then i up or down in the back of a
truck so I self be in a bad mood.
This should solve any problmems you
have regarding the question-
What life is.
Yep, it's Frazer here with a
little story for all you
sexually deranged people out there.
Once upon a time there was a big, ugly
skinhead who had decided to take the
bus to the city. On the bus he saw a
nun sitting in the back. He sat down
beside her and said:
-Hello baby, d'ya wanna have the screw
of a lifetime?
The nun looked at him and shouted that
he was the most disgusting man she'd
Then she went off at the next stop.
The skinhead was just about to follow
her when the busdriver shouted
-Hey skinhead, come here, I wanna have
a word with you.
-Watcha want asshole, replied the
skinhead, but went up to the driver.
-That's no way to get laid with a nun,
said the driver.
-Well how should do then, wiseguy ?
-You have to be more clever, explained
the busdriver. Why not try to dress you
up as God and wait for her at the
church. When she comes, you tell her
that she is chosen to carry your son,
the new messiah.
-Dat's totally brill! shouted the
Next day he did as the driver had told
him. He put on a false beard and an old
robe and went to the church. After a
while the nun came walking towards him.
He started speaking with a bombastic
-HEAR ME MORTAL, I AM THY GOD.
-Oh w..what d..d..do you want from me,
lord? stumbled the nun.
-THOU HAST BEEN CHOSEN TO GIVE BIRTH TO
MY SON, THE MESSIAH, the skinhead said.
-How shall I do oh lord? the nun
-JUST FOLLOW ME IN TO THE CHURCH, AND
THOU WILL SEE...
The skinhead could barely keep himself
They went inside the church and the
-BEND OVER, MORTAL!!!!
The nun bent over and the skinhead
pulled up her skirt.
After some minutes of heavy pumping,
the skinhead had his orgasm. Then he
ripped off his beard and shouted
-Gotcha!! It is I, the skinhead!!!
And the nun turned around,
ripped off the mask and
shouted even more triumphant:
-Gotcha!!! It is I, the busdriver!!!!!
Well, this is the end of this little
story. Hope you find it amusing.
After the longest article ever written
in a Disk mag in Amazine 1 (T2 Script).
This one is the shortest.
AMAZINE;WE CAN BEAT WORLD RECORDS.
Dialog between a fictive president of
a fictice state and a fictive agent of
a fictive secret service in that fic-
tive state with the fictive president.
Additional work is done by the fictive
wife by the fictive president, but she
is really unimportant for the story.
X: Hello Mr. President. There are some
rumours in the ST-scene. We decided
to inform you quickly.
President: Do you know how late it is?
It is 4 o'clock in the morning !
X: Sorry Mr. President. But it is very
important. A new crew released some
Pr.: Good enough for a revolution ?
X: We don't know yet. Our experts are
working on the analysis.
Pr.: A totally new group? Very strange.
X: The new crew was formed on a dying
thing called "AXXIS". This crew was
found in 1988 by two freaks called
Mark and Chris. There were no hints
about secret doings and our agents
didn't recognize these guys.
Pr.: Hmmmm... Our secret service. But
go on. Any releases in this time ?
X: Yes, a demo called "Megabob-Demo".
It was done by Chris and Mark. As it
was not called "Megabomb",we thought
it is not dangerous for our country,
our nationality, our industries...
Pr.: ... I know, I know. And then ?
(to his wife): A cup of tea, please.
X: Well, ahem. Three other guys joined
"AXXIS". In 1989 a coder called
"Cody" entered the crew. In 1990 a
swapper called "Celtic" and another
coder called "LX". But in the
time between 1988 and 1991 nothing
were done in the demo scene by these
five yuppis. Except about 95 modul-
compils done by Mark.
Pr.: Of course you checked, what dis
guys did in this time.
(to his wife): Thanks.
X: In fact,Chris made some professional
stuff,Mark and Cody coded little
things and Celtic swapped demos.
Pr.: Interesting. Who is your chief, I
don't like agents waking me up in
the middle of the nights just for
boring stories !
X: Sorry Mr. President ! It is going
to be interesting. In november 1991
a demo with 250 chip-sounds by Mad
Max and others were released called
"SYnthetic MusIC demo". They were
ripped by Chris and he also did
Pr.: It is on the red list ?
X: No, just because it was not spread
Pr.: Go on.
X: At Silvester 1991/92 there were a
party held at the AXXIS-Headquarter.
The whole AXXIS crew (except LX),
were there, a XENEX-member and a guy
called BDC. We believe it was the
first breath of the AURA-winds.
Pr.: AURA was founded at this party ?
Any drugs there ? Communists ?
X.: No, no drugs, no communists, but
plans about a partydemo. In fact,two
days after the party, AXXIS was dead
and the new crew AURA was born.
The crew formed upon the AXXIS-crew,
except the passive coder LX,
three other people, in fact Clash,
a punk artist, dark angel, composer
and musiccoder and BDC, coder, too.
Pr.: The demo ? Why it wasn't censored
before the release ? The secret ser-
vice is not the same as in the good
old times, where such as bad guys
would never rised from shit.
(to his wife): SUCK MY DICK !!!
X.: Sorry Sir, but this demo was indeed
shit. A funny thing of shit, to be
more precise. By the way, it was
called "The world is my oyster".
It contained a very long text, over
40KBytes, some nice things either,
but not technically brilliant, ex-
cept some 3D-lines. There were a
sample fooling a chancellor of a
country in Europe, but ... sorry,
forgot the name of dis fat polit-
This demo was mainly done by Chris
and BDC, but also Cody did a screen.
Pr.: A yes...
(to his wife): GREEEAAAAATTT...
(to hisself): Oysters ? Fishes ? Kohl ?
X.: After that,nobody cares about them.
Somehow they got an invention to a
party held by BMT in Essen in that
certain country with that fat chan-
chellor... Shit ! I really forgot
the name even of the country. We be-
lieved this party was harmless as
no crew wanted to release anything
there. Except these fuckin boys,
which nobody knows till then. They
released a sounddisk called "High
Fidelity Dreams", which contained
the best modules from Amiga.
Pr.: (angry): And why in hell did they
got the modules ???
X.: Ahem, this was a mistake of 009,
who is looking at these scene, he
didn't notice, that there were mods
ripped on Amiga...
Back to the disk. It featured the
best mods by Tip/Mantronix and Code
and design by Aeon.
Pr. (too quickly): Can you give me a
copy ? ...
(very shy) Hmmm, just to control
(he thought):Ooops.Answer was too fast!
X.: They got a lot of response to this
demo and even Mad Vision wanted to
write them their story for Amazine !
Pr.: Really mad.
X.: Their latest and maybe last ST demo
is called "Mathematica". Completely
coded and designed by Chris with an
additional screen by BDC.It featured
nice mathematical effects like IFS-
fractals, Keftales, 3D-Cubes etc...
Pr.: Baaah, Maths is not my thing.
Why last demo on ST ?
X.: They will go to Falcon as soon as
it is available.
Pr.: And you called me for a rumour in
the ST-scene ! Lamer.
X.: Aaaaehhh, maybe there will anything
in the future...
Pr. (to his wife): Switch on TV, this
guy is going to bore me.
(to agent): aaah, by the way: don't you
want to check the scene on the moon?
I think you will go there.
(very loud): PEOPLE WAKING ME FOR SUCH
AS BORING THINGS WILL CHECK THE VC20
SCENE ON THE MOON !!!
(D) Dialogright by BDC/AURA
Story is true and nothing as the truth.
In the year 2257, long times after the
big war, some peoples make some res-
earches just to forget about their li-
ves and the mad of their visions.
A short page of a book about a long
... As you
see,AURA is just a cruel result of his-
tory and nature mistakes. We hope,some-
thing like dis will never happen again!
Just after the scientist wrote this few
words, suddenly a big light smothly
faded in and some ugly guys(a bit look-
ing like the AURA-guys) only said:
"MAYDAY - release date 1993"
After a long while of deadly silence,
the scientist whispered:
"Not another demo by them..."
And again a white light, this time not
faded and a guy looked like a fictive
president of a fictive state in a fic-
tive time cried:
"NOOO - Our wicked secret service
will give 'em hell !!!
(to his wife): Where's my tea ???"